Clara and Her Secret Affair Read online

  “Clara!” Mum interrupted my train of thought.

  “Yeah?” I immediately replied.

  “Pay attention to what I am saying to you. What are you going to do tonight?” she asked, her voice stern and unwavering.

  “Be a good girl,” I said, trying not to lace my voice with my anger. “Please let me out; I’m going to be late.”

  “If you do anything tonight,” Mum started, “the nuns will tell us. I’ve had a talk with Sister Margaret.”

  “Of course you have,” I muttered. “You know, she’s a nosy old bat. She just loves torturing us for no reason at all.”

  “No reason?” Mum stared at me. “No reason at all? How about saving your soul? Keeping you from going to Hell?”

  I wanted to roll my eyes. Instead, I nodded and shut my mouth.

  “Don’t do anything that would shame yourself,” Mum continued. “They’ll be watching over you all night.”

  “Yes, Mum,” I sighed. “Can I please go now?”

  Reluctantly, she dismissed me and allowed me to finally step out of the house.

  I felt stifled. I was eighteen years old. I was old enough to drink, get married, move out of my home and head off to university. And my parents were treating me like I was fourteen, unable to be trusted and unable to control my hormones.

  I finally arrived. I walked quickly through the front gates of our school and impatiently made my way to the gym.

  The events committee truly outdid themselves this time. They had set up the stage for the DJ and provided us with a dancefloor. Thick, black curtains had been hung along all four of the walls, and glittering stars had been stapled into the fabric. Glittering balloons were hanging from the ceiling, which had also been covered in black fabric, making it look like a night sky.

  A beverage table had been shoved into the corner, with a balloon arch above it—all of it silver and shining.

  I walked over to it and poured myself a drink of lemonade, trying to adjust to the huge change. Boys were everywhere around me, wearing black suits. They walked through the crowd, their eyes searching for someone to dance with. Most of the girls were standing on the sidelines, waiting to be approached.

  It was a disaster—awkward boys who didn’t know how to approach girls, and awkward girls who desperately wanted male attention so much so that they were willing to drop their knickers right there on the dance floor.

  I could basically smell the hormones in the room: sweaty, desperate hormones that were taking over. Soon it would become a humping ground as everyone got carried away.

  I stifled a laugh as I thought about Sister Margaret, frothing at the mouth as she furiously wrote home to every single student’s family.

  I wasn’t above everyone else in the room, though. Even though I pretended to be better than everyone else here, to be in control of my feelings, I wasn’t.

  The only reason I wanted to come to this stupid dance was a chance to see him again.

  I hadn’t seen him since the incident in the hallway. Apparently, according to the gossip rolling through the hallways, he was new to the school. He’d climbed the fence and broken into the girls’ school just to get a look at us.

  It made sense. The way that he’d looked at me, it was like I was a dish of his favourite food, ready to be eaten.

  A shiver ran down my spine just remembering that look. I didn’t even know his name, and he had a hold on me already.

  My eyes scanned the room, trying to look casual as I searched for his face. I didn’t want to look too eager, but he was the only reason I was here.

  “Clara,” I heard a familiar voice call.

  I turned to my left and saw Jenny rushing toward me. She was wearing a strapless, black dress that barely covered her knees. Her hair was tied up in a magnificent bun on top of her head, revealing the back of her long neck.

  “Wow,” I breathed. “You look gorgeous.”

  Jenny’s eyes gazed admiringly down to my dress. “Look at you,” she said in awe. “You look so classy as ever!”

  I shrugged. “Thank you,” I said. “It’s the only thing that I have control over in my life. But enough about clothes! I want to meet new people.”

  Jenny narrowed her eyes at me. “I thought you didn’t care about the boys?”

  “I don’t,” I started. “I just wanted to get out and—”

  My voice trailed off—across the room, I’d seen a pair of blue eyes amongst the crowd. My whole body went cold at the realisation.

  It was him. I’d recognise those eyes anywhere, even in the darkened room.

  He was here. He’d come.

  Deep in my gut, I knew that he was going to come over to me. We had a connection; there was something between us, and there was no doubt in my mind that he was going to try to pursue me.

  And I was going to let him.

  *

  My heart was hammering in my chest, palpitating and beating erratically. I could feel it pounding against my ribcage, hear the sound of it beating against the bone.

  Just looking at him sent my body into a frenzy.

  My limbs were tingling. I couldn’t feel my toes or my fingers. My chest flushed hot before turning blisteringly cold. It was like my brain was dying; it couldn’t regulate my body temperature.

  “Clara?” I heard Jenny’s voice in the distance.

  I could barely hear her, though. She sounded muffled, like she was deep underwater.

  Besides, I didn’t want to focus on her; I only wanted to think about him.

  He was on the opposite side of the room, staring me down as he waded through the crowd of laughing boys.

  I felt the magnet in my stomach pulling me toward him. I pressed my hands against my stomach, trying to feel the magnet’s pull, but I couldn’t. The only thing I could feel was nervousness. My stomach flipped inside me, churning up and making me feel sick.

  My feet started to move, drawing me across the room.

  Everything in my peripheral vision darkened into oblivion. I didn’t care about what was going on around me. The only thing I could concentrate on was his beautiful blue eyes and his strong jaw.

  Even though the crowd between us kept ebbing and flowing, I still noticed his every movement, as if I was caught in a trance, under his spell—lost in his gaze.

  Our eyes met, staring at one another as we moved across the room. Even as others crossed our path, his eyes never wavered.

  There was no doubt in my mind about the connection that we had. There was something there, something between us, and I didn’t care what anyone else said. I needed to know, to find out what this thing was.

  He had moved me to my very core, something I thought a boy could never do. How could I deny myself this? I had to explore it; there was no other possible choice.

  Finally, finally, we met in the middle of the room.

  The white, glittery lights pulsed down from the disco ball above, spinning and twirling bright shapes all around us. Dancing pairs surrounded us, laughing and joking as they moved across the floor.

  All of it was a blur around me, a crazy mixture of colourful shapes that passed me by.

  When he stopped a couple of feet away from my body, staring down from me from his height, I felt a lump form in my throat.

  I stared up to him, unable to believe we were finally together.

  “It’s you,” he said.

  The sound of his voice sent tingles shooting down my neck—it was deep, gruff, and impossibly low. I tried to control myself, wanting to look cooler than I felt.

  “And it’s you,” I replied.

  “Clara, right?” he asked.

  The sound of my name tumbling off his tongue was almost too much for me to handle. I felt myself spiralling out of control already, and he hadn’t even touched me yet.

  “Right,” I said. “And your name is?”

  “Gabriel,” he said.

  For a moment, the magic was broken. A sudden laugh escaped my mouth, and I rushed to cover it with my hand.

 
“That’s funny, is it?” he asked with a smile.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, trying to stop the rush of giggles. “I was not expecting that.”

  “What were you expecting?” he asked.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” I sighed, unable to hold back my grin. “Something a little less angelic, I guess.”

  As if he couldn’t have charmed me anymore, he held out his hand and extended it to me, a crooked smile spreading across his lips.

  “Dance with me,” he purred.

  There was no way I could say no to him. I placed my hand in his. Electricity immediately pulsed through my palm and fingers, sending jolts all the way up my arm. I could barely breathe through the feeling, but Gabriel was already pulling me toward him, ready to dance.

  He did not leave enough room for Jesus. Instead, he put his hand on my waist and yanked my body towards his, pressing me tightly against his chest.

  I could barely breathe. No boy had ever touched me, let alone touched me so intimately. I struggled to focus, to steady my breathing, as he began to sway.

  Gabriel pressed the side of his head against mine as he squeezed my hand. I felt his hips moving from side to side as we danced.

  Just feeling his body moving against mine set my body on fire. My cheeks flushed pink and hot.

  For a moment, I wondered if I’d gone mad. A good Catholic girl, pressing her body against a boy—a boy I’d only just met, a boy I didn’t even know.

  My mind went crazy. Would everyone treat me differently now? From now on, would I be wearing a metaphorical scarlet letter?

  I gulped and tried to calm myself down, telling myself that no one cared what I did with a boy. It was none of their business; why would they bother themselves with my love life?

  Gabriel twirled me around on the spot, lifting my arms above my head as he turned me. I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face.

  I gazed around at the room around me as I spun, watching the faces pass me by in a blur. A knot formed in my stomach, telling me something wasn’t quite right.

  I didn’t realise what was wrong until I stopped spinning and found myself enveloped in Gabriel’s arms once more.

  Everyone on the dance floor around us was staring, their mouths open as they watched us moving across the floor. Heat rose up into my cheeks, turning me a bright red shade.

  I buried my chin into Gabriel’s chest and tried to ignore the stares. But, now I knew they were looking at me, I could feel their eyes burning into my back.

  “Gabriel,” I whispered. “Everyone is staring at us.”

  In reply, he nuzzled his face closer to mine and spoke directly into my ear. “Let them stare,” he said, his voice sending shivers through my whole body. “We can give them something to stare about.”

  And then Gabriel moved his head away from mine and slipped his hand away from my waist. He lifted it to my chin and grabbed hold of it, forcefully lifting my head up to look at him.

  As soon as my eyes settled on his face, he moved in closer to me. Before I knew what was happening, he planted a kiss on my lips.

  My whole face went numb. My lips barely moved with his as he kissed me, turning his head to the side and opening his mouth.

  It was like my whole body turned into ice. I was stuck, frozen in place, as I felt the most beautiful boy kiss me in front of my whole school. The whole world started to spin around me, making me feel dizzier than I’d ever felt before.

  Somehow, I managed to regain control of my body. I broke off the kiss and covered my mouth with my hands, stepping away from him in total shock.

  He’d stolen my first kiss from me, and he’d done it in front of my entire school. I was bright purple; I was sure of it. Mortified wasn’t strong enough to describe how I felt.

  I rushed off the dance floor, my hands still covering my face, unable to believe what had just happened. I pushed through the crowds of people, my eyes frantically searching for somewhere to hide.

  I managed to wedge myself between the wall and the black curtains; it was a good enough hiding spot to sort out my emotions.

  I was worried about what people would think about me, kissing a boy in public like that, and I was terrified that one of the nuns had seen me.

  But worse than that, I was excited. The place between my legs was hot and throbbing, desperate for more. I had never felt so turned on before. What did he do to me? I was longing for him, lusting for him, all because of a simple kiss.

  The curtain pushed open for a second; then, someone squeezed in beside me. In the darkness, I couldn’t see who it was that had just joined me.

  “Did I do something wrong?” Gabriel’s deep voice sounded concerned and gentle.

  I wasn’t sure what came over me. Maybe it was the darkness or the cosiness of the hiding spot, but I reached out for his face.

  I felt my fingertips brush against his cheeks, soft yet stubbly from his facial hair. I guided his face gently downwards, lowering it to mine, and placed my lips against his.

  Gabriel’s hands instantly found their way to my hips, his hands digging into my flesh. He grabbed my body roughly and pushed me against the wall, pressing his body against mine as his tongue slipped past my lips to explore my mouth.

  Tryst

  We had managed to sneak outside, into the cool evening air. Gabriel led me across the courtyard, holding my hand and swinging our arms.

  I knew that if the nuns caught us out here, it would be the end of my social life. My parents would ground me until I was thirty, and I would never be allowed to leave the house without a chaperone.

  I didn’t care. No one had caught us kissing. It filled me with confidence. I was feeling bold and empowered. I was following my heart for the first time in my life, and it felt right.

  Gabriel took us behind one of the trees and pushed my back against it. He crushed his body against mine and began to kiss me again. His tongue edged into my mouth, dancing with mine.

  My whole body was filled with adrenaline. My heart was beating out of my chest, trying to escape. And, more than that, my loins were burning with desire. I wanted him to lay me down on the ground and have his way with me.

  It was a dangerous way to feel, and I knew I needed to make it stop before I did something I regretted.

  Somehow, I found the strength to push my hands into his chest and stop him from kissing me. He looked down at me, frowning.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No,” I breathed, even to speak. “I just… I think we should slow down.”

  Gabriel nodded and instantly stepped away from me, respecting my boundaries. He dived his hands into his pockets and found a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He balanced one between his lips and lit it, inhaling deeply as he looked me up and down.

  “Did you see everyone staring?” I asked.

  Gabriel nodded. “You’ll be the talk of the school next week,” he said with a smirk, clouds of smoke floating around his head. “Not that you weren’t already.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Gabriel shrugged. “I did some asking around,” he said coyly. “Apparently, you’re the local celebrity in these parts.”

  I stared at him, feeling my mouth pop open a little. “Am I just a conquest to you?” I asked accusingly. “Some mountain to climb?”

  Gabriel took another drag of his cigarette and smirked.

  “Well?” I asked, feeling more than a little impatient.

  I’d already put my reputation on the line for him and risked everything that I held dear, and the thought that I was nothing to him scared me more than anything else. I wanted to mean something to him, to be important to him, but the way he was talking to me made me feel like I was nothing.

  “We both know the answer to that,” he said. “You do remember when we met, don’t you?”

  I gulped. How could I forget? It was like I’d been hit by a truck. He smashed into my life and changed everything in a split second. The way we’d stared at e
ach other, the instantaneous connection we had—there was no other way to explain it other than fate. Is this love or lust at first sight?

  “I can’t resist you,” he purred, coming toward me once more. “I just want you—all of you.”

  “All of me?” I asked, my voice shaking. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Every part of you,” he said, lowering his voice. “I want every part of you to be mine.”

  He spoke to me like he knew exactly what he was doing. As I stood there, rapt in his gaze, I wondered how many times he’d done this before. How many girls had he been with? How many had he slept with?

  I didn’t want to think about it, but he was clearly a bad boy, someone who could easily ruin me. I knew that it was a risk being with him, but I couldn’t resist—I didn’t want to resist.

  “I’m yours,” I whispered. “to kiss, to touch, and to keep. Now take me.”

  Gabriel inched closer to me at my command, so close that I could feel the warmth of his body opposite mine. With his free hand, he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.

  “I’m yours, too. From the moment that I set eyes on you,” he said.

  My heart melted in my chest. I knew it was going fast, so very fast, but something was happening between us. There was a spark, electricity, something indescribable that was drawing us together.

  We were made for each other: two halves of one perfect whole. I gazed into his eyes, looking at the way that they glistened in the darkness. As I stood there, longing for him to kiss me again, I knew that we were going to be together forever.

  I was going to give myself to him, wholly and completely, and we would be one.

  “Christ,” Gabriel breathed, stepping closer to me once more, “I want you so bad.”