Clara and Her Secret Affair Read online

  Nervous energy passed through my body. Adrenaline pumped through my veins. I was so close to saying yes, to letting him do what he wanted with me, but I knew it was too soon. We had to wait, even a little bit.

  I looked over my shoulder, making sure no one else was out in the courtyard with us. I couldn’t see anyone in the darkness.

  “Kiss me,” I breathed.

  Gabriel wasn’t one to deny me. Once he’d tossed his cigarette across the courtyard, he grabbed hold of my body and pushed me against the tree trunk. I could feel his pelvis pressing against mine, and there was a hardness between my legs that I couldn’t ignore.

  It made my whole body come alive with electricity. I let my hands roam up and down his body as we kissed, holding his face and running my hands through his hair.

  Gabriel’s grasp moved down to my hips, then back around to my behind. He grabbed and squeezed it before riding his hands up my back and shoulders, grabbing hold of me as he crushed his body against mine.

  It was all moving so fast. I knew it was spiralling out of control, getting quickly out of hand, but I just didn’t care. All I wanted was Gabriel, but no matter how much I got from him, I just wanted more.

  No matter how hard he kissed me, no matter how much of my body he grabbed, I just wanted to take it further. I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about it.

  I imagined what it would be like having him undress me, watching his eyes roam over my naked body. I wanted to know what it would feel like to have his bare chest pressing against mine, or what it would be like when his manhood entered me.

  That thought sent my pulse skyrocketing. My chest tightened around my heart and made it impossible for me to breathe. I pushed Gabriel away once more.

  When I felt his lips move away from mine, I sucked in a large breath. I loosened my hands at the wrists and shook out my hands before beginning to pace, trying to calm myself down.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “Oh,” I said, my voice shaking, “this is moving way too fast for me.”

  I stopped pacing for a second and looked over my shoulder at him.

  “I’m a good Catholic girl,” I breathed. “I shouldn’t be out here with you.”

  Gabriel slowly shook his head. “You shouldn’t,” he said slowly, coming towards me with passion filling his eyes. “And yet, here you are.”

  *

  It felt like I was in Romeo and Juliet. We sneaked away from our busy lives to meet, hiding in plain sight. Gabriel would get a boost from his friends and vault the fence, landing on the side of the girls’ school with a heavy thud of his boots. And then he would take me in his arms and plant kisses down my cheek and neck, holding me tight.

  There was nothing better in the world; nothing that made me feel as safe and loved. All I wanted to do was have him next to me, holding me tightly—but it was risky.

  The nuns were onto us. It was obvious to me they suspected something was going on. They were always following me around, watching me with their beady eyes.

  I felt suffocated, like they weren’t allowing me to live my life. I just wanted to scream at them, to tell them they were old and shrivelled and that they would never understand true love, but if I did… Oh, I would pay.

  It was easier to keep my mouth shut, even if it felt impossible sometimes.

  I stood toward the back of the school grounds, hidden behind bushes and the bike shed. We were mostly hidden from the rest of the school.

  There was a building nearby, but the windows had been blacked out. They used that section for a photography class, and that was their darkroom.

  I held my hands up, high over my head, feeling my pleated skirt rising up my stomach. I reached out for Gabriel’s feet, trying to steady him as he swung his body over the top of the fence.

  Within a second, his body had slipped down into my hands as he lowered himself farther down the fence. Finally, he was in my arms. I smothered myself against his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent.

  I had only seen him yesterday, but it felt like a lifetime. I grabbed handfuls of his jumper and clutched onto him, holding him close. Gabriel did the same with me, running his hands up and down my back as his lips searched for mine.

  We were together, breaking the rules, and my body responded. I was filled with adrenaline almost instantly; my whole body trembled as I pressed myself against him.

  A huge smile spread over my lips as we kissed. He was here—he was with me—and he was mine.

  “I missed you,” I breathed, my voice soft on my breath.

  “I missed you,” he repeated, moving his lips away from mine, trailing kisses down my neck and toward my chest.

  I threw my head back, giving him the room he needed, listening to the sound of hollow moans coming out of my mouth.

  His hands continued to roam my body, grabbing my butt and groping my breasts. Every time he touched me, it was like fire spreading through my skin, heating every inch of me until it was all I could feel.

  More than anything, I wanted him to take me, right there against the brick wall of the bike shed.

  Gabriel knew that I wanted it, too. He pushed my back against the bricks, and my legs instantly wrapped around his waist. He held up my weight, our bodies crushed together, as I felt an erection growing between his legs.

  I felt it pushing against me, desperate to get inside, but I knew we couldn’t. Not here, not now.

  Instead, I reached my hand down and brushed my fingers along his length. He was hard as a rock. I could feel the veins and muscles through his thin trousers. I traced my fingers up and down his cock, barely able to breathe.

  “Clara,” he moaned my name, exhaling a huge gust onto my neck.

  It sent shivers down my spine, causing my legs to clamp hard around his waist. My hands wrapped around his back, pulling his body closer against mine.

  We were already so close, our bodies crushed together, but it wasn’t close enough. I needed him closer; I needed him inside of me.

  I had never felt such a strong urge—a need. I planted my hands on his waist, and my lips found their way to his. We kissed there, our tongues exploring each other’s mouths, as our hips ground together.

  I could feel his girth pushing between my legs, warm and hard and longing to get inside. I moved my mouth from his for a moment, letting out a loud moan as his cock continued to push against my body in just the right spot.

  A weird, tingling feeling shot through my legs as he thrusted against me. My eyes popped open as I felt the feeling growing stronger. My hips started to move in time with his, rubbing him against me in that special place.

  My hands found their way into his hair, tugging at it as his hips bucked faster and faster.

  “Oh, fuck,” I swore, my words barely loud enough to hear. “Oh, Gabriel.”

  I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew that it was good. I could feel my body warming up as he continued to push against me. My muscles were tightening involuntarily. I couldn’t control my hips; they were smashing against his in unison, over and over and over.

  Heat flushed up to my cheeks as I felt my entire body fill with energy. Something was building, like a cup about to overflow, and all I knew was that I wanted it to continue.

  I thrusted my hips hard against his, moving so fast that a light film of sweat covered my forehead, causing my hair to stick against my skin.

  I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, forcing his body against mine, as our hips continued to move in unison. He humped me harder, groaning with every movement.

  Suddenly, a loud groan burst out of his mouth. I felt wetness spreading between my legs, soaking through his trousers and into my underwear.

  Hoarse, shallow breaths came out of his mouth as he held his body impossibly still. Our heads parted, allowing us to look into each other’s eyes.

  His cheeks were bright pink, and his eyes were alighted with colour, shining a brighter shade of blue than they had before.

  Gabriel set me down onto the ground. My legs were wobbly beneath me. I could barely hold myself up, so I let my palm rest against the brick wall for support.

  I watched as Gabriel adjusted himself, moving his erection in his trousers so that it was hidden. The small patch of wetness was hidden beneath his untucked shirt.

  I knew what had happened; we had humped until he came, but I could barely believe it. I brushed strands of my hair away from my face, feeling the heat radiating from my skin. My chest was still heaving, my breaths coming hard and fast.

  “That was…” Gabriel’s voice trailed off.

  “I know,” I agreed.

  We looked into each other’s eyes for a moment, weighing each other. This was new for us, something we had never done before.

  I couldn’t help but feel like this changed something. I felt like a new girl, on the way to becoming a woman.

  Gabriel had touched me in a place that had never been touched before and had opened my eyes to a whole new world of pleasure. There was no wonder my parents and the nuns wanted to keep this from us.

  If this is just humping, I thought, then sex must be out of this world.

  In the distance, I could hear a familiar sound of heels on the tarmac. I listened for a moment, trying to judge if it was coming toward us. Gabriel looked at me, eyes wide, as we listened in silence.

  Already, I could feel the adrenaline rushing back into my body. I was barely down from the previous high, and already I was feeling another.

  Sure enough, a nun was coming. The sound of her heels only got louder and louder.

  Gabriel knew what he had to do. Within an instant, he’d vaulted up onto the roof of the bike shed. The metal roof clanged as he stepped on it, edging toward the fence.

  He grabbed the bars w
ith his hands and lifted himself up, his feet digging into the horizontal bars at the very top.

  I watched from the ground as he flipped over the top and eased himself down the bars, his sweaty hands squeaking against the metal.

  Almost as soon as he was back on the ground, now on the other side of the fence, Sister Margaret rounded the corner. Her eyes instantly met my face.

  “What are you doing back here?” she boomed. “Are you talking with a boy?”

  She looked through the gate to where Gabriel was standing. He instantly took off, running away from the fence as fast as he could.

  Sister Margaret wasn’t amused. She grabbed my wrist and yanked me away, muttering to herself about dirtiness and sin.

  As she dragged me away, I felt a lightness roll through my body. We’d not been caught, and somehow, we’d moved our relationship to the next level. We were getting serious; we were for real, and I was deliriously happy.

  I risked a quick look over my shoulder to where Gabriel was still sprinting across the tarmac, back toward his school.

  Just looking at his back sent flutters through my chest.

  He was mine, and I was his.

  And nothing in the world could keep us apart.

  Betrayal

  Somehow, we had settled into a routine of breaking the rules.

  Gabriel would climb the fence, or I would sneak out of my home in the dead of night. I was always afraid of going too far, so we would meet in the bushes around the perimeter of my garden. Dappled in the soft yellow glow of the lights from my house, we would kiss and touch each other.

  My life revolved around his mere existence. Every waking moment of my life, I wondered what he was doing, how he was feeling, what he was thinking about. I constantly thought about him, unable to concentrate on anything else.

  But there were cracks appearing. It seemed that he didn’t have the same level of commitment to me. He barely spoke to me. Instead, he preferred to feel my body as much as he could. It was like there was nothing else in the world to him.

  Worse than that, I could feel the unspoken pressure to sleep with him. We’d been together for a couple of weeks, constantly sneaking to see one another, and I knew he was expecting me to spread my legs.

  I had the feelings for him. There was no doubt in my mind that this was moving toward all-encompassing love: deep, unending infatuation that would take over my entire life if I let it.

  But it seemed like Gabriel didn’t have the same reaction to me. When we met, he only wanted to make out with me. Aside from the rush of lust and excitement, he didn’t seem glad to see me as a person.

  Doubts started to creep into my mind about the future of our relationship, and so I’d held off on giving him the one thing he wanted.

  I wasn’t going to tease him for the foreseeable future, though. I had concocted a plan. I was going to refuse to kiss him, refuse to fondle him, and instead, ask to just talk. Our next tryst was going to be interesting, to say the least.

  I had no doubt in my mind that he would tell me what he thought about it very quickly. He didn’t seem like the kind of boy to mince his words. If he was unhappy, he was going to tell me about it.

  I sat in front of my bedroom window, staring out to the street below, waiting for Gabriel to arrive. It was almost midnight, way beyond my curfew, and I knew that if I was caught out of bed at this hour, my parents would start to suspect something.

  It was hard enough hiding this romance from the nuns, especially Sister Margaret; I didn’t need to struggle to hide it from my parents as well.

  I listened to the house. I could hear my parents’ TV on in their bedroom, blaring the evening news as they got ready for bed. I knew that it wasn’t ideal having them in the next room to me, but it was better than trying to sneak past them downstairs.

  The street below was dark, illuminated by the orange street lights above. Most of the houses around were dark; the occupants fast asleep.

  Waiting for him was the hardest part. As I tried not to obsess, my stomach was clenching— constantly flipping and churning as I stared down to the pavement.

  Was he going to come, or was he going to leave me waiting all night?

  He had given me no reason to believe that he wasn’t interested in me, that he was losing patience, or that he just wouldn’t show up, but those anxieties still swarmed in mind, consuming me.

  I had turned into a typical teenage girl; I was so caught up in a boy that I had fallen by the wayside. I could only think about him—he was all that mattered now. My confidence had been smashed away, worn down by Gabriel’s alluring lips.

  It hurt, knowing that I’d allowed a boy to do this to me, but what could I do about it now? I was already so wrapped up in him and his life. There was no way I would be able to untangle myself from this mess, not now.

  In the distance, I saw a shadow moving. My heart leaped out of my chest. It was Gabriel; I knew it.

  My stomach filled with butterflies as I grabbed the bottom of my window. Grasping the metal hooks in my fingers, I eased the wood upwards. The glass pane lifted up, the ropes quietly rustling as it moved.

  When the window was open enough for me to slip outside, I grabbed my coat from my bed and shrugged it over my shoulders. Below, I could see the shadowy figure waiting at the corner of my front garden.

  Gabriel always waited there. That way, he could see if anyone was coming, or if anyone else was awake.

  It didn’t matter tonight. My parents were in bed, and I was free. I slipped out of the window onto the roof below. I was careful not to loosen the tiles as I walked over them, lowering my foot slowly and pressing my weight down gently.

  Once I reached the end of the roof, I sat on the edge and lowered my legs down. I grabbed hold of the ends of the tiles and lowered my body down. From there, it was a small jump down onto the grass, and I was away.

  I rushed to Gabriel, who was waiting for me at the corner.

  He immediately wrapped his arms around me and planted kisses down my neck.

  It took me a moment to remember my plan; I wasn’t going to let him dry hump me tonight. I wanted to know him, really know him, and there was no way I was going to find out anything about him by sticking my tongue down his throat.

  Gabriel grabbed my cheeks and pulled my body close to his, instantly opening my mouth with his tongue.

  I moved away, wiping his saliva off my lips.

  “What?” he asked. “What is it?”

  “I just…” my voice trailed off, replaced with a long, heavy sigh. “I feel like I don’t know you.”

  Gabriel looked at me, his eyes glowering. I could see that, even in the dark.

  “I want to get to know you,” I continued.

  “How do you not know me?” Gabriel asked. “We’ve been hanging around for some time now.”

  “I don’t know anything about you,” I said. “I don’t know if you have sisters, if your parents are still together, or if you have any hobbies.”

  Gabriel only stared at me.

  “Do you not want to know me?” I asked. “Is that not something you want?”

  “I know you,” he said. “I don’t need to know your family background to know who you are as a person.”

  I reflected on his words for a moment. Was he right? Was I just trying to find an excuse not to be with him? Or was this something I actually wanted?

  “I want to know more about you,” I said, finally. “Is that not okay?”

  Gabriel sighed. “Whatever.”

  Then he shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and started to walk away.

  “Where are you going?” I called after him, a little too loudly. “Are you leaving me?”

  Gabriel looked over his shoulder to me and shrugged. “I don’t want to talk,” he said. “I don’t come here to talk.”

  “So that’s it?” I asked. “What you say, we do?”

  “I don’t talk,” Gabriel said. “Sorry.”

  I could see that this wasn’t something he was going to budge on. Now I knew that I had some serious thinking to do. Did I really want to be with someone who only wanted me for my body? Did I really want to demean myself that much?

  I might not have been the perfect Catholic princess that my parents expected me to be, but I still felt deeply about my religion. I wasn’t sure if I was willing to throw it all away for carnal desires.

  “See you tomorrow,” he said, almost sadly.